Insecurities, we all have them. Whether or not it's something physical that you're insecure about like your height, your weight, maybe the fact that you've got pointy little ears or maybe your insecurities stem from a lack of financial resources. Maybe you don’t have the nicest car or your clothes aren't exactly as nice as your buddy's. But regardless of what you're insecure about, nothing can kill a potentially great situation like relationship insecurity. So today, I thought I’d go over nine tips for overcoming relationship insecurity.
Dealing with Insecurity in a Relationship
Tip 1: Don't judge your current relationship based on your previous relationships. Because here's the deal, just because your past girlfriend/boyfriend cheated on you doesn't mean that the current one is cheating on you. Nothing is going to potentially kill a relationship like making the current partner pay for the deeds of your past partner. The beautiful thing about new relationships is that you get to start fresh. It's like a relationship do over, so don't screw this one up.
Tip 2: Don't confuse imagination with reality. When we start getting insecure in relationship, we start imagining some crazy things and start reading into everything. It's like "Oh my god, she didn't text back in five minutes. This means that she's definitely cheating on me". I know because I have been there. I have been like the super freaky paranoid guy that starts reading into everything. Here's the deal, what I learned is that the best way to basically squash this is to encourage open and honest communication from the start. But you have to start doing it when things are good, not when things are already bad. Don't be like: "We need to talk; we need to start being honest". Because you're going to get weird and it's going to turn the other person off super-fast. Encourage communication from the beginning but don't read in or let your mind play crazy tricks on you. I know it's hard but you've got to trust that if the other person has something to say, they're going to say it to you.
Tip 3: Stop trying to mind-read. You can't mind read. If you can, just call Oprah, because you are going to be famous.☺ You can't mind read; nobody can. So don't try, ask instead. Trying to mind-read often leads to wrong assumptions which leads to misunderstandings and then heartbreaks if not properly handled. When in doubt, don’t try to read your partner’s mind. Just ask them.
Tip 4: Once you ask, don't keep asking. Once you're there, the relationships over. There is nothing that's going to destroy a potentially good thing like your persistent pestering. For example, if your partner seems moody, and you ask them about it and they say they’re okay, you've got to trust them. Don’t go on pestering them about it even if something is obviously wrong. You could piss them off doing that. If they want to tell you about it, they will.
Tip 5: Your relationship also needs room to breathe. Think of a relationship as a tree or a sapling. When it's new and fresh, you plant that sapling. What do you do? You nurture it, you give it water. You give it some dirt, you give it sunshine. You give it room to breathe. If you are constantly standing over that tree waiting, like "Oh grow, little tree!", then you're going to smother it.
The same thing happens to relationships. It is okay to have "me-time". Not only is it good, it is a critical component to a healthy relationship. If you are too clingy and holding on for dear life, like "I'm never going to let you out of my sight", that is a breeding ground for big trouble.
You need to have your own things going on. You need to have other interests and other friends. The best and strongest relationships are with people that have their own lives.
Tip 6: Understand that relationships are not always roses and puppies. A lot of times when we get into a relationship like a new relationship, how great does that feel? You are walking on air and it feels amazing. The endorphin and everything is going crazy. Well guess what, that never lasts. It can't last. We can't and we're not designed to maintain that level of emotional endorphin releasing intensity. Your relationship is going to ebb, it's going to flow, it's going to have highs and it's going to have lows.
The idea is that you don't just bail at the first sight of trouble. Focus on the good, focus on the positive. If it's a lasting relationship and something that is supposed to be, then it's okay. Don't just freak out. Keep nurturing, keep working and eventually it'll work itself out.
Tip 7: This point is very important, so I recommend you read it twice. Do not snoop. Do not steal their phone or look through their phone or look through text messages. Don't break into Facebook, don't look in emails. Guys, once you reach that point, the insecurity point at which you feel the need to snoop, you'll never stop. Because you'll never trust them and I'm telling you, if you work hard enough you're going to find something that you're going to misread and turn into a situation.
Here's the thing, if you look and you find something that you want to question them about, what are you going to do? You're going to act weird. You're not going to come out and or if you do come out and confront them, they're going to get mad because you went through their stuff. And then you're going to try to make up some excuse of why you needed to look in their phone and go through twenty seven text messages.
Guys, don’t start that situation because once you start, it is impossible to stop.
Tip 8: This is an important one and it is that there is nobody else who is responsible for your happiness except you and vice versa. You're not responsible for anybody else's happiness except yours.
Tip 9: Remember that relationships are supposed to feel good and you're supposed to feel better being with this person. If it comes to a point where you don't feel good when you're with somebody, chances are it's not the right person and it's time to break up. Is it going to suck? Yes, it will. Is it going to be devastating to them for a while? You betcha! But rest assured it's going to be the best for both of you.
Insecurities, we all have them but managing them and knowing how to handle them when it comes to relationships, is a key component to you having a happy healthy and successful relationship. You deserve the best so go out and get it.